a dirty job

Remember these guys?

Yeah, they're dead. Not because they couldn't weather through winter, but because we didn't like them. So, as my mother taught me, if you don't like someone, get rid of them. Gardening shears are a good method.

Just kidding, Mom!

But seriously.

They're so dead.

They deserve it. They are evil. Sith Lord evil. They have these long, very nasty thorns and are just placed in a funky way, so there is a big, vacant area behind them. I know you're not supposed to plant too close to the foundation, but this was getting awkward. You could have a party back there. Or stake us out.

So, we took to aggressive negotiations. Name the movie.

Mike grabbed a 5 pack of yard bags at Home Depot, but he soon had to run to Lowe's, because our shears were no match for Darth Hedge. As I was snarfing a pizza, Mike said, "I need loppers." Okay, honey, sure. Go get'em!

Apparently that's a real thing.

They look like beaky garden shears, but they were "the best $18 I've ever spent," Mike declared two minutes into using them. They snapped right through the thick trunks and branches and unsnagged some gnarly roots later.

Mike chopped while I bagged. In the above photo, you see a ton of green under the dining room window. That's Darth Hedge's apprentice, Moonshadow Euonymus, which you'll get to see more of in a minute.

As we were working, our neighbors were dressed up and headed out. They shouted, "It looks better already!" from the car. We hope that means they also disliked the hedges and aren't internally panicking that we're a disgrace to the circle.

We had the hedge chopped down and the bags were filling fast. Even though the weather was perfect and we had our own little rock concert on the stoop, thanks to Pandora and Bluetooth, we were starting to get a bit weary and nervous. What had we done? Would we regret this? Holy crap, this was going to be a lot of work to fix up!

Once the hedges were chopped, Mike started on Moonshadow. It's a viney, gnarly thing that is supposed to grow around 4 feet wide and 24 inches high, but it definitely took a horizontal approach and seemed to spread out 6 feet either way. Mike raked it up into a bundle so we could get at the roots and chop.

Mike decided not to wear his notorious flip flops for this job. Smart man.

Once the viney thing was relatively free, we started pulling it out.

All the way to the street. Also, I'd like to say that Home Depot did not sponsor this post, but we would gladly accept any sponsorship and totally write advertorials for them if it meant some freebies! Just sayin'.

Once we had the majority of Moonshadow out, it was time to dig up all those roots and trunks.

Mike had this hefty job while I continued to bag all the rubbish, though I'd intermittently jump in with the loppers to cut roots. As we neared demolition's end, we tossed ideas back and forth. Obviously, our three baby rose bushes had one heck of a task to fill in the area, so we were trying to figure out our vision, which had somehow changed in the course of getting dirty and sweaty.

Mike's mom became our inspiration. Every time she comes over, she laments how much she wishes we had a front porch. Well, we couldn't get that written into the house contract, but it did get us thinking about what to do with this space. A little bench or two chairs and a little table would look cute under the window.

So, we are thinking of cutting a path up the center and creating a little nook under the window. Rose bushes and other stuff on either side. And then a trellis along either side of the entry way. I'll try to slap a mock up together this weekend. We have a good idea in our head, but it's going to take time (and money) to get there, so we're going to need to be comfy with pacing ourselves. Hopefully the neighbors can deal with that.

Oh yeah, and the house looks ginormous without those hedges. One of the pushes on the other side is dead, so we'll need to figure something out over there, too. Don't worry, My Lady, we won't leave you naked for long.